This overwhelmed me yesterday and other off topic subjects. 

I thought I'd get one last blog in before the move and before this thing they call internet, up here, is turned off. I was walking the dogs yesterday after we took down the fence and the neighbors on the hill were out on their porch. I looked up and waved and said hi. No response. Okay, no big deal. They probably didn't see me. I walked a bit further and waved again. I was wearing a bright yellow shirt and had two dogs. I know they saw me. Okay, I'll give them the benefit of the doubt. Then I was thinking maybe they were mad we had to cancel dinner a few months back and never rescheduled or maybe they are just happy we are going. On the way back the man was standing right at the edge of his porch looking straight down where I was and so I waved and said hi again. He just turned his head and looked at his wife. 

Now, I'm feeling a bit rejected and got on this whole train of thought. Do people not like me in general? Am I annoying? Maybe I'm annoying to be around. Maybe people are too afraid to tell me. I'm not talking about my close friends who will love me no matter what. I'm talking about everyday acquaintances. This hit me hard. Am I one of those people that people are afraid to tell they don't want to be around them so they just ignore or brush plans off? I was already feeling insecure about my sister so this line of thinking went way out of control. (and I'm pms-ing) Yay me. 

My hubbs said "You can't please everyone and not everyone is going to like you." He's absolutely right. But if I annoy the majority of the population I won't make any friends. I'm petrified of having to make new friends when we move. It was so hard here. I made one good friend and again I feel like the rest just tolerate me. I guess if they can't take me for who I am then I don't need them right? 

Okay this is totally off topic. This kind of ties in with my last post. I was thinking about my brother and I know he's smart and I know he doesn't buy into the whole JW thing. I'm pretty sure he doesn't. He knows it's a big corporation run by lawyers that's why it didn't bother his conscience to sue them. He knew they were made of money and it wouldn't be hard to get them to part with it, because it wasn't theirs in the first place. I was wondering why he puts on the charade and then it dawned on me, easy prey. He can take advantage of and manipulate people with out much retaliation, because most will turn the other cheek. Plus he couldn't handle anyone thinking he was unchristian by leaving. Even though they already know he is. It kills him he can't be made an elder. I think he only wanted to go to bethel to work his way up in the ranks. He wanted to see how it worked and get some of the power. He was never accepted. I'm actually hoping this move will separate me more from my oldest sister and then I don't have to hear about my brother or how much I look like him or ever have to know what he's up to or who he's screwed over. 

Okay really really off topic. We have these nasty bluejays. They are always squawking and yelling and chasing wildlife away. I spotted one this morning taking a bath in the sprinklers. He was all happy and cute running in and out of the water. It made me smile and everything else just seemed silly. I'll be back after the move. 

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