Well I've had a fun few days.

I went into the local clinic last wednesday after procrastinating 2 days with an ear infection. I hate doctors, I hate the telephone, blah blah blah. Sure enough, a bad ear infection. I walked in as soon as they opened hoping they were taking walk ins. I was expecting to have the same wait you get at the ER but was pleasantly surprised. I waited about 1/2 an your to 45 minutes. 

I saw an old doctor who didn't seem real confident or was just icky with germs. (I'm not sure) The exam sucked because my ear was near swollen shut. He gave me a prescription for ear drops and said if my other ear acted up, then use the drops in both ears. Call him back after 4-5 days if it's not better. 

Friday rolls around and boom, second ear is hurting really bad. I used the drops as prescribed every 4 hours all weekend and ran out sunday night.  Ears still hurting but not as bad. Monday 9am, I brave the telephone and call the clinic. I explained how I was out of drops and my ears still hurt and now my throat hurt. Could the doctor call me in an oral antibiotic or call me back if I need to come in.

I am so fucking pissed right now...

I don't even know where to begin.

Can't sleep.

I hate when I can't sleep. My mind is on non-stop tonight. It's jumping all over the place. Ultimately though, I keep coming back to one place. My past. Now I've come tremendously far, especially in the last 3 years. If you've known me longer than that, I'm sure you've seen the change. If you haven't known me that long, you'll just have to take my word for it. 

I've struggle and fought and screamed my way to where I am and I've done my best to put the past behind me. For the most part, I have. I'm starting to realize though that it will always be with me. I will never be able to let it go completely. It creeps up from time to time and I get so mad when it does, but I'm starting to realize I will never be totally "over it". It's a part of me whether I like it or not. It's shaped me into who I am, who I want to be and who I don't want to be.

I don't go around playing the victim or wearing my past on my face like a puppy dog. I do my best not to do that. (at least I think I do) If I did play the poor me card, I wouldn't have moved so far forward. The last three years have been about finding myself. Who I really am. What makes me happy and what doesn't.  It's been about finding a bit of independence and being true to myself.   or