might be a night full of blogging

Decided to kick back and have a glass of Remy Martin XO in a warm glass and a piece of chocolate. mmmm. Remy and chocolate. The world would be intolerable with out both. Warm Remy is like a warm hug all over. A warm caress.  Something you savor and drink slow. Enjoy the smell and all the subtle flavors including the finish. Mmmmmmmm. If I had the words to right you a love letter Remy Martin, I would. I just don't have the words. So I'll drink and savor you instead. 


B and me cooked our very first turkey today. He stuffed it with apples, onions, parsley, celery, fresh tarragon and arugula. Which cooked and then B  reduced it into a perfect gravy. (all gluten free  of course) We cooked a butternut squash with nutmeg, cinnamon and butter. Then B sliced a potato in thick slices and did oven potatoes. I made fresh green beens and steamed/sautéed them in cognac, butter, chicken stock and parsley. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. So good. Everything came out awesome and I didn't get that after turkey grog/coma. So tasty. Happy tummy. Yum Yum.  We had a great day of packing and cooking. Sitting and chilling with the "kids" 

Dah dah dah!!!!

then the evening gets squashed when we find out B's parents are trying to get B's brother to take sides after the knock down drag out last week. Issuing an ultimatum. I'm proud of B's Bro. He really stood up for himself. So great evening when "SQUASH!!!" and not the good kind with nutmeg and cinnamon. Wish I could make it better, but it's not in my power. All I can do is be supportive. Make suggestions. Do my best. Hope that's good enough. That's all I got. 

new paintings up

finally I put more up.

Ghost town

It was so quiet walking the dogs this morning. Only the wind was howling. It was cool. It felt like a ghost town around here. It was a very peaceful walk. 

Oh magic thumbs. How I have missed thee.

It's been a year since I had a massage from my favorite massage therapist with magic thumbs Kimberly Reindeau (her elbows are pretty grand too) I went last night because my back is still horrifically bad. She worked her wonders. I would worship her thumbs if I could.  She knows just where the problem spots are and she will work them till they vanish. It took me a long time to find a good massage therapist. Most just do nothing for me. Kim gets in there and works out the kinks and never leaves me sore. That's a talent. I'm going to miss her so I'm going in for another one next week :) I feel tons better today. Not 100% yet but at least I know it was a muscular thing. Thank you Thank you Thank you Kim. She's in Amherst by the way on Old Nashua Road. website is  :) 


Pilar (the awesome artist I met at the art show) sent me an email today. Yayz. I'm hanging on her wall too. Woohoo!  Hanging on another wall. Very cool. Very exciting. 

My back was moderately better today till I went to work. Now it's all hurty again. Hopefully it's getting better though. I scheduled a massage for tomorrow night. <drool> can't wait. 


So one of my former employees took B and me out to dinner at Unums tonight. <drool> Best restaurant in the area. So good. Fantastic meal. they are always accommodating to my allergy. I had the seafood risotto. <drool> <orgasm> <drool> I had that last time so I knew I wouldn't get sick and it's so good I had to have it one last time. The only other risotto that compares is B's Mushroom risotto. I think I'm a risotto connoisseur. Like with cognac. Anyway. Great evening, great food, great company. having tequila right now with my muscle relaxer. Don't scold me. I deserve it. I had a painful, excruciating day. At least I'll sleep good. 

Oh the pain.

Got lots done this morning. In a tremendous amount of pain. Jeni, Justin and B helped with ungodly amount of laundry we had last night. I thank them all for the heavy lifting or I probably would still be in bed. The muscle relaxer helped me sleep. I was still a  bit restless but at least I got some. It sucked when it wore off.  

I'm glad Jeni and justin went out with us last night.. I'm really really going to miss them. hopefully we'll make it over there tomorrow and I can lay on there couch in my flannels watching a bad double feature and moderately goofed up on muscle relaxers. Sounds like a perfect day to me.

Much better moodwise today

I think my mood lifted with the sun today. Jeni had demanded to do laundry with me. She put her foot down and I shall not challenge her kindness. She really doesn't know what she's getting into. I am going to buy her dinner and whatever else she wants. :) 

I think I'm going to need to see the doctor about my back among other things. Gonna make that call now. 

Tomorrow will be an all out getting things done day. Including new oven, storm door and paint for our garage ceiling. Lot's of trips to the dump etc.

I hate feeling sad.

I hate when I get like this. Nothing seems to help. And I'm so tired. I can't believe how tired I am. My back is in such muscle spasms it's making me cranky. B rubbed it the other night which helped. But it's back to where it was.  I will work through my mood like I always do but I hate myself till I do.  Can't help it. I need a painkiller, marg and about 24 hours of sleep.  But that's not going to happen. Going to go get a drink with Edie tonight unless she cancels again. (about 4 cancelations already) I think I'll teach sitting on a chair today. Standing seems to aggravate my back. Tried to get out of that today but Amy is in Boston. I don't want to leave her hanging. So I'll go in and then hopefully out with Edie. I have no idea when I'm going to get my laundry done. I have so much. maybe tonight if I have B's help. But I know I'm going to be too tired. He needs clothes though. Dammit. Stupid broken washer. 

Miso and Puppy have been feeding off my mood. Puppy has been barking at people and Miso is now barking at cars. (thanks puppy. you're a great teacher)  Miso got out today and I thought I really lost him. Couldn't find him. He finally came running back. Both have been barking most of the morning because of work guys outside working on some front steps across the street. The noise was scaring them. Hence why my nap was unsuccessful. I got nothing done today. At all. Nada, ziltch. Feeling bad about that too. Wow I'm wallowing in self pity. Woohoo me. Just ignore me I'll be fine in a few days. Just need to vent. ( and get some sleep, a marg and some painkillers)

I got to talk to Crimsonsilk twice this week and I got to see Jeni twice. Friends are awesome. Still a bit down but not as much. I'm sure I'll work through it. I hate feeling inadequate but I'll just have to work it out. I probably should make some time to paint but I'm kind of afraid what will come out. I'm renting a truck this weekend and taking stuff to the dump. I'm not going to feel guilty about it. (so I tell myself) Last chance for free stuff. Come and get it.

I'm still having second thoughts about the dance school. I'm nervous and I don't want to to book work. I don't know anyone yet so I don't know who I can trust to hire to do it in exchange for dance classes. I hate bookwork. But I only have to work three days so that's a plus. Seems we will be staying in my sisters house longer than expected which is good. I hope we can sell our condo quick. Less financial pressure.  I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed again and I hate it. I'm so glad I don't suffer from panic attacks anymore. That would suck. 

I am super yenney. Watch me fly.

I made a kickass white chicken chili tonight. Justin and jeni came over and put up with the mess that is my house.  My Betty Crocker Gluten Free cake was really good too. (except it stuck to the pan a bit) 

I think the stress of getting everything together is getting to us a bit. Nerves are frayed and a bit on edge. We'll get it together though. I'm slowly coming around about throwing stuff out. I can't even give it away. Was trying to give stuff to people who might need it. It's good stuff. My last resort is to see if goodwill will make the trip to pick it up. Otherwise I guess it goes to the dump. Nothing I can do. 

I would like to stand on a corner and hand clothes out to people who need them. No shelters accept used clothes anymore. It's kind of frustrating, but I guess I understand. 

Anyway, hopefully I can get through the week and get stuff done. I'm feeling a bit down and a bit anxious underneath this cool exterior. 

Almost a year in review

So this past year has gone from nightmare to new beginnings. From loss of all hope to a hopeful new life. I began the year feeling at my very worst. Feeling like I would be an invalid or shut in. It was a matter of time. I was ready to give up my career and resign myself to a life of sickness and immobility. Convinced I would have a stroke or heart attack within the next ten years. I had decided to close my business and was very sad. I had been to the doctor to see why my arms and legs were constantly numb. I went through a battery of tests and as usual was told “We can’t find anything wrong.” 

Now very depressed and having nothing to look forward to except more sickness and pain, I decided to tackle my “fear for the year”. I pick something every year to do that I am afraid to do and I just do it. This year I chose two. The first being launching a website to shoot the shit, talk about whatever and post about my “kids”. This was very hard for me. Considering I hate putting myself out there. I think it has been wonderful in helping me find myself and express myself. The second thing I tackled was painting. Painting has always scared the crap out of me. I can never hold the brushes steady and  I can’t draw without painstaking difficulty and frustration. My other half said “You should just do it. All my stuff is still upstairs. Go use it.” I said to myself. “Okay, why not. Just do it.” I went up stairs and laid out all the paint and all the brushes and sat there for a while thinking. I just stared at the brushes. I said “Fuck it. Why do I have to use brushes. I hate brushes therefore I will hate painting.” I went down to the linen closet and found some rubber gloves. Went back up to the loft and began to paint with my hands. I was sure I would hate whatever I did. Funny thing was, I didn’t. I liked it. I wasn’t sure I would show anyone. But I liked it. Thus began my love of painting. So I tackled a third fear. Posting them on line. Wondering what kind of response I would get. It was mostly positive. I wasn’t sure if people were being kind or really liked them. For the first time in my life, I didn’t care. It didn’t matter. I was doing something I love. I always loved choreography and I was adequate at it. Better than most. But always was and still am very critical of it. But feeling now I am past my prime and need to move on. Painting felt like a better fit. I finally had an uplift in spirit. Now I had to figure out why I was so sick. I’ve been sick since I was 15 and only getting worse with each passing year. No help from any doctors except to tell me to lose weight which seemed impossible no matter how hard I tried.


We monopolized Jeni and Justin for about nine hours yesterday. I had so much fun. Jeni is hysterical. i am only going to miss her more.  We chatted and Brian played DJ. It was great. Jeni helped me sort my old jewelry into an A,B, and C pile for a mixed media art piece or two. We didn't get much done yesterday. I really need to crank. Oh, they also exposed me to Nine inch Nails. I've never listened to them. I like them. :)  I told Jeni I wish we had known each other sooner, but honestly I don't think she would have liked the old me. I'm much more fun now.  K, gotta go.

Hmmmm. Let's see...

spent wed. puking all day, spent thursday cleaning and work. Got stood up for drinks for the fourth time from a friend. Spent friday packing and  stuff. Got the upstairs toilet fixed and the walls are ready to paint. Today we are going to Amigos with Jeni and Justin. Not sure what time. Can't wait. I love going out with them.

I squeaked out a little on nanowrimo. Not enough to make me feel good about it. I hope we are all over being sick. It feels like I've had a cold for two months. Todays rain is not motivating me to pack. But I must. I must. I must. 

Okay so...

...rough week. everybody sick. Better now, but we'll see. sucky yard sale. I left card for Pilar, the artist which was kind enough to speak with me for an hour at the art reception. i hope she gets my note. I will say that if she doesn't leave me a comment here, that she didn't' get my note. ( :)  ) That will be the real tip off.  She is a real talent and I hope she will keep in contact with me.  So much to do here before we move. My Brother-in -law was supposed to come over tonight to finish some work before we can put the condo up on the market, but i"m thinking he forgot.  It's 7;46. He was supposed to be here at 4:30. Hmmmm. I could have been teaching some classes as a sub and making some extra money. Oh well.  

I don't think we are going to be ready to move. But we don't have a choice.  So I must beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

I'm having some issues with Miso. He has nipped me twice in the last two days. He has real separation anxiety.. He knew I was leaving and he wanted to play with his ball. He bit me and i got really mad. I held him down on his back and he responded. He didn't even bark when I left today. So I guess thats progress.

Hope we get a good turn out today

Garage sale today. Got quite a few hits on craigslist. I hope they all come. I opened the garage 1/2 hour early to see if there are any early birds. So far, none. I didn't quite get everything to the basement so those things will have to get craigslisted later with photos. Definitely strained my back. I didn't sleep well and it hurts like  MoFo. I really hope most of this stuff goes but ultimately people are really cheap. I know I'm going to end up selling stuff way way lower than priced. That's just how it goes though. The guy and his wife that came last night was a real foreshadowing. I can't believe they didn't take the roll top desk. She loved it, he didn't but told her to decide after saying fifty time he didn't care for it. so she changed her mind. I would have even came down on the price even though the price is really low.

My dogs are perched behind the door to the garage sniffing to see if I'm here. At least they are not barking.  Wish me luck. 

Bestest day ever

Okay so bestest day. I finally got my ATM card after six weeks of it being lost. Then I picked Jeni up and we headed off to the art show to sit and watch the place. She drove which was great. (I hate driving and my car is stinky)  Jeni braved my mom who in her ernest effort to compliment me turned them all into insults or criticism. But didn't bother me. We left a little early because the replacements were early and we headed to lunch at Uno's, had great conversation and good food. Then we went to Lull farms and picked through what was left of the pumpkins. Just little cute ones left. We went back to her house and she made hot apple cider with spiced rum. (yummy yummy) I carved my very first pumpkin and then my very second one. Jeni toasted the pumpkin seeds in the oven half with pepper and salt and the other half with nutmeg and sugar. Yum Yum Yum. Then we sat in her living room and chatted and reminisced about her late cat and her current cat and my dogs and I had an awesome time. before i knew it it was 7:00pm. i could have stayed all night. It was awesome. I am so going to miss her. I finally have a chum, a pal, a best friend. Oh and she cut her hair and it looks adorable. And congrats Jeni on your new, very bright kitchen fixture. :) 

House of sick

Everyone is sick. Miso, Puppy, B and me. Hurray for sick. (that was sarcastic) Poor pupster. He curled up with me this morning and laid his head in my arm and I was rubbing his belly and he was whimpering and wheezing. Currently working on an antibiotic for him. Waiting for a call from the vet. Miso is better, he's been on antibiotic for almost a week, still has a slight cough at times, but he's not sneezing snot at me so that's an improvement. I think B has pneumonia. I've got a cold or something with fever and post nasal drip. My chest really hurt yesterday but I think that was from all the dust swirling around from me getting ready for the garage sale.

 Still don't think I'll be ready but I sure hope people do come. We have so much stuff. Don't know if I'll get it all in the garage. Still have the dressers a roll top desk, cubbies and a bookcase to drag down to the garage. Oh and two coffee tables and a bunch of end tables. I don't think I'm going to attempt the computer desks. They won't fit anyway.   or