my quest

In the quest to eradicate all or most of my phobias, I've picked up a new one since moving to CA. It's this guy. The Jack in the Box mascot.


He really creeps me out, I'm having a hard time writing now. I've never been afraid of clowns. I actually loved them as a kid. Though as an adult they disturb me a bit at times. This guy though, I'm trying to put my finger on it. I think ultimately it's the creepy smile. But his perfectly round head and features also look out of place and then the ice cream cone hat plopped on the unusually large golf ball head.

WOW, I am really creeped out right now. It's the unblinking eyes and that damn smile. I have to turn the commercials off whenever they come on. Am I just being irrational or is this guy just the creepiest thing on the planet. I vote creepy. 

If you don't agree just sit there for a minute or two and let him stare at you. I think you'll be on my side by the end. 

I'm off to purge my butterflies.

Wondering if I still have a friend

Still no response after a PMS-ee email I sent saturday morning. Stuff I had to get off my chest. Unless of course she didn't get it but I'm pretty positive she did. Guess I'll wait and see. 

Oh they're up.

3 new paintings on the painting blog.

maelstrom of emotion

So I was sitting in a warm tub, after a failed attempt at a nap and a no talent producing painting session, wiping the paint from my forearms. I was annoyed at first at all the paint particles floating in the water. Then I started to watch the many colored flecks swirling and being pulled under, surfacing, spiraling and being pulled back under again from the jets in the tub. I started to identify with them. That's exactly how my emotions have been. 

I've been crying at the drop of a hat today. I can't seem to control it. Partially from the lack of sleep over the last few days and the exhaustion of emotions I haven't felt in a very long time. I've also had the Suzanne Vega song 'The Queen and the Soldier' running through my head all day. It's very sad. As I was getting lost in the motion of the flecks of paint, the song came back into my head and I started crying again. Then I was rudely interrupted by a sidesplitting charlie horse in my ribcage. Mostly due to dehydration and the lack of abdomen muscles from being out of shape.

Tackling the complexity that is a Yenney

Part 1: Stubbornness and control issues:

Things have come up of late which has made me ponder these two areas of myself in more depth. I have a stubborn streak that occasionally surfaces. I’m not always stubborn, but if I know I’m correct about something and a person tells me differently, I generally won’t back down. This is something I’ve learned to do over the years which I think relates directly to control issues. (And also makes me wonder if I’ve really grown out of the temper tantrum stage)

Now I've never considered myself as having control issues but clearly I do in some areas, namely sex. Which is totally understandable considering my history. But, i get  weird sometime. If for any reason I don't feel in control, I shut down. Completely. It can even be over something as simple as asking me to do something. If it's not my idea or I feel insecure even a little, I put up my wall.  When it comes to sex I need to feel in control of where it's going to lead. This is what I've realized over this past week.  

Block printing class

B and I took a block printing class today together. It was taught by Virginia from the  mohawk valley artists guild. It was from 10-3pm. We had fun. We had to carve a block (or really a giant stamp) and then ink it and print it to paper. We did rice paper and cards. I did a dragon fly one too but didn't take pictures yet. Here's my flower one. I don't think it's bad for my first try.

IMG_0135          IMG_0137IMG_0134          IMG_0136

These are B's. I love these

IMG_0138          IMG_0139   or