Intolerable crankiness

So I seem to be getting crankier with each email from my sister. Even if it has nothing to with the previous days conversations. It's like a blister you keep rubbing raw and never quite heals. 

I've done a little research into the fingerprinting or Livescan as they call it. They can't tell me where my prints go after they have been submitted. Also the Livescan requirement is such a joke. I reading an article about what they check for and what they don't. They really don't check for much and they don't check criminal history for other states. Seems a waste of time and money  to me. I think it's in place just to make people feel like the government is doing something to keep them safe. 

Frankly it doesn't make me feel safe after reading about it. Anyway, I'm not doing it and i'm not talking about it anymore because i've decided and I don't need the stress or the feeling I'm a bad person for my decision. I won't be forced to do something that makes me uncomfortable. I've had way to much of that in my life. 

♫♫♫♫The blame game♫♫♫♫

So this had planned to be my sarcastic post but have changed my mind. I was going to comment what a dreary, rainy weekend it's been and then say "I blame my sister." Just to be funny, but I'm actually kind of enjoying the sepia tones and quietness of the day.

So I've been a little stressed. Family always stresses me. B reminded me that this is just another way my family doesn't respect my feelings. Like mine are not important. And he is 100% correct. they have never respected my feelings ever since I can remember. My opinions never mattered so I didn't voice them. I've always been a pawn to be manipulated to their will or to be guilted into doing something I don't want to do. They always viewed me as the dumb one who can't think for myself and it baffles them when I stick up for myself now. They think I'm being unreasonable or something. Like their way is the only way. 

Sometimes I think my sister just thinks something is so because she says it is. She really is sheltered in her own little world. She's not in touch with what is happening around her. How can she be. She can't expect to know how the world works if she doesn't live in it.

oh joy

Okay so the fingerprinting is coming up again. I've expressed my opinion on this previously. I have no problem with a background check but I don't want my fingerprints in a database blah blah blah....

my sis keeps emailing me. "It's for the safety of the kids. It's nothing personal." But you see it is personal. It very personal. And yes I'm all for the safety of the kids. I get it, But I'm not a criminal and don't want to be listed with them. So once I get a few questions answered we'll see if I'm showing up for work on the 7th.

The other thing that is baffling me is she's talking about buying this building but what she really means is she wants me to buy it. It's very confusing and why would she care whether I buy it or not if she's not going to be running the studio. 

My brain hurts whenever I try to decrypt my family's logic and thinking.

(I wish I could  hand pick 10 kids to teach in my loft, then I would have no overhead and it wouldn't matter how much money i pulled in.)

slight guilt trip

Wow two posts in one night. Okay the fingerprinting thing is coming up again. My sister presented it as a background check. Again I have no problem with a background check. I have nothing to hide, but I do have an issue with the fingerprinting. I have no interest in being on file with criminals or being on file for that matter. I like my privacy. So I have a slight guilt trip in that some of the classes she wants me to teach are classes that have home schoolers in them and the homeschool will only pay for the classes if the teacher is not a sex offender. But apparently they can only check this out if you are fingerprinted. Because they are too lazy to do it any other way.

So guess what. I guess my sister will be working more this year. That's okay. 

So how do you think this will play? I take over the studio in november and suddenly  no longer honor the home schoolers. I don't think that will play well. Yes, lots of thinking this over. grrrrrr. i'm feeling stress. I don't like stress.

Roller coaster

Okay so my sis emails me tonight saying she wants to buy the studio building to cut down on monthly payments but doesn't want to run it and then wants me to own the building and take the studio but she wants to still do the books. 

Now we tried the transfer of power earlier in the year and that failed miserably because she didn't want to let go. So what makes this different? Armageddon is coming?

I know I don't want to be tied down to an old building. I could handle the business if it was only 3 days a week. I could even handle the books. She just wants to teach acro and the ballet testing kids. But i don't know. We'll see. lot's of discussions ahead I suppose. I definitely can't make a decision before we start in september. I thinks it's too quick and she would definitely need to back away and let me run things. 

hmmmmm. lot's of pondering ahead.

i just love assholes

So I'm taking B to the Doctors today and we have about an hours drive. Halfway there going up through the mountains we get stuck behind a camper/winabego thingy. Now this guy couldn't keep a constant speed if his life depended on it.  Then i realize, he's doing it on purpose. Every time we got to a passing zone he would hug the yellow dotted line so I couldn't see around him and he would speed up to the correct speed or five miles over so I couldn't pass.

Then when we would hit a solid yellow he would slow down to 10 -15 miles under the speed limit. Or if there was oncoming traffic he would slow down too. I was so angry. What an asshole. Like clockwork he would do this every time the line changed. So it added about 15 minutes to our already hour long ride. Grrrr....


So I haven't told my family I'll be back east in November yet. I'm going out to help Jeni when she has her baby. I will have to tell them I suppose, because they will find out from someone and be hurt I didn't say anything.  I have pondered not telling them though. I'll have to allocate a day to have lunch or go visit and suffer through the eye rolling and inside looks they don't think I see. But they won't change and I've accepted that. 

I'm feeling rather lackluster at the moment. Don't want to paint, write, edit, play video games or crochet. I'm simply bored at the moment and don't know how to fix it. Nothing is sounding like fun. Must be because it's monday. (I love that excuse) I'm sort of watching B play Borderlands and it's utterly boring as well. I wish he would put in Heavy Rain. At least that has a film noiry aspect to it and is fun to watch. I'm dying to see what happens next. I started playing it yesterday to see how far I would get and I think I gamed myself out. I'm almost caught up to where B is and he's been playing it a few days. (I am on easy mode though) 


So B and myself have never really entertained. I was working all the time and always sick and the place was a mess so we very rarely had company.  We decided to have a cookout. Probably not the best plan with railroad days but non the less it worked out fine. 

So we had my good friend Laura and her family and a neighbor I just met and his family who are friends with Laura. All of our hubby's are anti social, so it was the anti social cookout. 

I had a blast. I think everyone else did too. ( i hope ) Lots of fun, lots of drinking and lots and lots of food. Lots and lots of food. yum.  I'm a terrible host but it was very informal and i enjoyed it. I will be making this a regular thing i hope. 

I like meeting people i like. :) and spending time with people I love.  (that's you Laura) 

The dogs did okay. Puppy was a bit growly and over stimulated but settled down eventually. Miso is worn out (Yay) He did chase the neighbors car all the way up to their house because I wasn't watching him. (oops) I guess I'll call and apologize tomorrow. 

Donut peaches

I stumbled across these in the store the other day. Yes, the sign says Donut peaches. the look like mutant peaches in teh shape of donuts. Me being curious and vowing to try new things, picked up 3. And took these pictures with funny looks from other customers. They definitely weren't ripe so before trying them I put them in a paper bag on the counter to ripen. No holding out any hope that they would taste any different from a regular peach, nor did i expect them to taste like a donut. (that would just be to good to be true)  

Well I had almost forgotten about them when I was cleaning the kitchen and pulled them out and wow are they ripe. I cut one open and sliced it up. (the dogs were going nuts) I popped a piece in my mouth and the flavor explosion was amazing. (I'm not normally a peach fan) These are the best farkin' peaches in the world and they are as sweet as a donut. I'm waiting for the sugar coma to hit. 

On a side note: Fish oil is crack for Puppy. Seriously. He's like a drug crazed addict when I pull out the bottle. He's also whiney and demanding. I love that he has energy and feel great, but the whiney, barky, impatient Puppy is grating on me. 


I started taking fish oil recently. I've always heard it's good for joints and swelling and all that. I'm not sure I'm seeing any benefits from it yet (partly because I forget to take it 3 times a day) 

However, I started putting it on Puppy's food in the morning and he is a whole new dog after a week. He has demanding I play with him and he's been more interested in his surroundings. Sniffing and exploring type things. I think it's helping with his knee and hip dysplasia issues. He's lost some weight to because he's been more active. 

I'm really glad he's feeling better.  

New paintings

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So apparently...

I'm always the fucking victim. Yep, apparently..... So I guess I always play the victim. even though I don't try to be. I'm fucking pissed tonight and paintings will follow tomorrow. My B in a drunken stupor told me I always play the victim. I disagree. But I guess tomorrow will prevail. I always sing his praises but tonight i am the fucking victim I guess. I guess I always cry wolf. I don't know. He just can't grasp my past I guess and takes it personally. Oh no wait, I'm wrong. I  apparently am always the victim. 

Well let's analyze this. Oh wait, I was raped and beaten by my father and yes told I was fat and a shit for most of my growing years. And that I would amount to nothing. And the fact that I was raped maybe plays into my misconceptions about sex and the fact I have some issues. (which have gotten considerably better over the years) 

I'm so going to regret posting this tomorrow, but tonight, I don't really care because apparently I am always playing the victim.  I think I'm going to look for a girlfriend tomorrow. :) 

My stupid stupid brain.

Well I had this funny, witty, rare and inspiring blog I was going to write earlier today but it has escaped me. I had to run to Reno for Paint sealer and few other things and was going to post it when I got back. It's completely gone. I did lose my new sunglasses somewhere on the trip. I think I left them at the art store. 

Well you are stuck with boring not so witty, not so funny blog at the moment.

I did find myself in a weird place when I got home though. Not sure what triggered it. I was very detached and emotionally turned off for a bit. That usually only happens when past shit overwhelms me. Not really sure what did it. Very strange. I'm better now though. I have a busy week ahead. I better get cracking.

My B is fucking awesome

Okay, I can't say enough about my B. but he's awesome. He just saved his company 20-40K this year. he rewrote their software testing product that never worked very well. He' s a fucking genius in my book. I hope they fucking give hi a promotion. He rewrote a program to test all of their software. I am so proud of him. He's a fucking genius. I love him to death. Really. My man. He's awesome. That's my rant. My fucking smarty awesome hottie bear. So there. Yes it rhymes. . :)

Oh how the boys will play

So basically in the world of my dogs, Miso teases Puppy(my oldest dog)  and gets him riled up and then they tussle. It rarely gets overheated, but will on occasion. There never seems to be a clear winner. I've always wondered if it came down to something serious who the big dog really is. Puppy thinks he rules the house and I believe Miso humors him to some extent (if dogs indeed can do that) He may respect him as the older dog. 

Miso does assert himself sometimes but often defers to Puppy. Sometimes he'll wait for Puppy to eat before he even touches his own food (sometimes) Miao barks and runs and tells me if Puppy is eating Miso's food rather than scuffle with him. Yet Miso clearly dominates the toys and tries to take everything from Puppy. When Puppy stands his ground, Miso often gets upset or whimpers because he wants the toy. 

So I guess what I'm getting at is, I was never quite sure who top dog is or would be till yesterday. We bought them each a beef knuckle or pig knuckle. I don't even know really, it just looked good. Miso of course attempted to take both which I stopped and I separated them so Puppy could enjoy his. Miso of course devoured his in record time. (with his razor sharp teeth) Puppy however was savoring his. Miso kept trying to take it from him. 

Mr. Chippy

So I'm sitting here the other day and I hear a high pitch barking outside. Miso is of course responding by running through the house trying to get out side while barking himself. I thought the neighbors had come down the drive with their dog and she was barking for whatever reason. I settle Miso down and still hear the barking. I walk to my front door and there is Mr. Chippy sitting at my screen door looking at me and barking. Then he promptly ran away. 

I was dumbfounded. I've never heard a chipmunk bark or see one so bold as to come up to my door and taunt my dogs. Two thumbs up Mr. Chippy. I was very impressed. I threw him out a treat. 

As I'm typing this, Puppy is curled up at my left and Miso is curled up at my right. I love these guys. Wait shouldn't Demon (miso) be sitting at my left side... sorry bad joke. (it was funny in my head)


Got cross contam from my favorite Pho place today. :( That was fun, doubled over in the car. Good thing I'm not a screamer or B would be deaf. 

We also put this together tonight. (the new baby) 


Grilling will commence for whatever is left of summer, maybe even fall. Laura and Trev, save us some grilling time. :)

i love the dual standard

So a few months ago I got in touch with a teenage JW friend from the town where my father resides. We had a few chats and really now have nothing in common. I was very open and honest with her about the feelings I have and said nothing offensive just laid out the facts. I haven't spent much time on my FB page of late, but I did notice "friends" were dropping like flies. 

She has finally unfriended me. I'm not sure what put her to that conclusion other than the fact that i don't go to meetings any more and I voice my opinions. It was probably after the convention. Another woman from that town unfriended me too. She was quite upset at me when she said "You should forgive your father. he looks frail." And I said "no, can't do it. He has no remorse." Plus she was upset to find out that the "loving wonderful "man  she is so fond of (she used to hate so much at one time.) ,was a child molester.She could have relayed that conversation to my other friend but not sure. I'm just speculating. I'll probably just send a messages asking how I offended her.   or