Okay so...

for the past three days all that i've been playing on tv is Repo the genetic opera. I've even played the soundtrack on my laptop while I clean. I fucking love this movie. It makes me happy. I need to be happy. :) 


Trying to get motivated on this dismally dreary day. Imara is going to help me "spring clean" Bleh. I hate cleaning. She's says it will get me out of my funk. I think it will just make me crankier. Though I know I'll feel better when I'm finished. (ha finished. That will take forever)

I'm definitely going to bring home my shelves and crates from the studio to help with organizing. I used to be a great organizer once upon a time. I wonder how far down I'll have to reach to pull that part of me out this time.

I want to turn the loft into a real art and game room. It's not that big but I think I could make it work.

I still don't know how I'm going to pay for summer rent at the studio. I really don't think I'm going to have any students over the summer. I'm a little stressed. I'm also hoping I can sell everything off so I don't have to store it.  I hope this melancholy lifts soon. I won't get much done if it doesn't.


I survived but was a blubbery mess at the end as expected.  I am a mixed bag of emotion. Melancholy yet have a great sense of relief. Optimistic about the future. Maybe I'll get to do great things now that the business was keeping me from. Like move and live somewhere new. Travel. Pursue art. Who knows. 

It was a great show. The kids danced better than they have all year. I'll finish this later. have to cry some more....

Dress Rehearsal

Well dress rehearsal went well and faster than expected. I was missing quite a few kids but it went well none the less. Had a few cranky moms as usual, but I didn't have to deal with them. All the kids did super and all the babies danced. I hope I don't get all blubbery at the end of the show. (I hate that) 

Anyway, we'll see what the day brings. 

Oh Miso

So Demon has been waking me up at 5:45 everyday for a week. I'm so sleepy. Don't know why the sudden change. He does have to go when I take him out. It makes for a longer day which isn't necessarily a bad thing but I get so tired by 9 I turn into a zpmbie. (brain eating and all)

Busy day today. Lot's to do and I'm out of coffee again. Dammit. Not quite awake yet. It may take a while.

Very Sad Tonight.

It was the last ballet class with my girls tonight. I'm very sad. I put a lot of hard work into them and even though we had some rough times and some great times, I'm going to miss them. This won't be a long blog because I'm crying.

More Paintings up

Check them out. Some are a lot different than the usual. Feed back please. If you like or dislike. Thanks

on a roll

Getting in a painting groove. Kinda like I do when I'm writing. Imara and I have lots of new stuff to post. I don't know when I'll get to it thought. I get so frustrated with my camera and mostly the lighting issues. Oh we have 7 or 8 to post I believe. I didn't do an accurate count. It could be ten. 

Hahahahaha I tried to do a "landscapey" one. LOL. hahahahahahahhhahahaha. I'll post it anyway because this is all about not caring what people think about us, right? It looks like a second grade painting. LOL (Nice) 

Imara is still making fun of it. :)

I am liking the bigger canvas but find I always go back to the littler ones in between. I also discovered I have one more huge canvas I didn't use. (I think more naked painting for that one) 

Well it's final crunch week before recital. Wish us luck. 

Dinner with B's parents

So we had a fun time with B's parents. We took them out to a great restaurant. Unums. I had the seafood risotto minus the crab, B had the duck, his mom had salmon and his dad had chicken. Everything was awesome and I think I actually saw his dad relax enough to enjoy himself. (the white russian helped) 

They really were cute. I have to admit. They have come a long way in the time i've know them. I couldn't stand to be in a room with them for more than ten minutes, when I first met them. The anxiety and tension used to be overwhelming. I guess we all mellow with age. :) 

It was a fun time. Oh, I had a blueberry basil manhattan. So good. not too sweet and it was made with makers mark. Yum. 

When we got home we watched a really bad eighties movie "catch the heat". It was one of the so bad it's good. Then I went up to the loft and tried to paint. I was half motivated and had forgotten all the ideas I had been having all day. I still fell into a bit of a groove and did four more. Almost five but I got very sleepy. I had to try out the new 12x14 canvas paper I bought. Bigger than I usually do. I did three that size and one 9x12. Most of my canvas is 9x12 (that's inches not feet)

Jeni and Justaboo

Went over their house last night. I love them to death. We had cosmos and watched Cleopatra the tv series. Great stuff. LOL Justin made and awesome chili. Mmmmm chili. I here the chaos pie I brought was great. (couldn't tty it) 

I have this incredible urge to paint this morning, but I have to go to work so there is no time. I may be able to squeak in some this afternoon but who knows if I'll still be in the mood. Damn. 

Jeni came up with an awesome idea for a tattoo. I'm going to work on that today too. (if I can find time)

Big ball of goopy sickness.

So I woke this morning feeling as crappy as the weather, maybe worse. I was hoping it was allergies. It was. Yay. My allergies have been very mild and hit like a ton of bricks today. But my allergy meds worked great. Thankfully. Nose dried up, cough ceased. Now I can go have Cosmos at Jeni's after work and try Justins infamous chili.

New pictures up of new and old art

I scanned in some of our paintings for better quality, but my scanner was just a hair too small. Some were way to large so those pictures will remain.  I also have new paintings up. Check 'em out.


So I've been sending Crimsonsilk little quicktime movies of me chatting about nothing. I'm hooked. Since we are barely ever on line at the same time it's been fun to send little snippets. She has reciprocated and I'm having a blast. (there was my big word for the week)  

Oh, yeah, my brain seems to recovering a bit. B has been stunned that I am using big words and actually using them correctly. It's been a while. My brain is slowly waking up. I apparently use status quo and Lucid correctly in a conversation. The reactions was a keeper. We were out with friends and B went silent and I looked at him. "What have you done with my Yenney" LOL

It will be nice to have my brain back at some point. It's been too long with out it.

Yay! finally hiking.

We got our lazy butts up and went hiking. The dogs did awesome and I did much better than expected. I never could have hiked so far a year ago. My asthma was in check and I only had labored breathing  because of my being out of shape. It was really nice. We took Miso on his first hike, where we took Puppy on his 6 years ago.

They are so tired. It's great.


not a great picture but, hey. 

Laundry day. Yay. :(

So in theme with my people hating week. I wore my altime favorite shirt so that I don't have to tell you about my day and how much I hate people who take all the washer and just sit there not unloading them when their finished. 

Photo 225

Oh man.

I spent today very depressed and sad. I'm sure I will get over it. It doesn't help that I have my period. (not that you really wanted that info.) Intermittent crying with anger and sadness. I was feeling like crap. Like luke warm coffee. (mediocre) but you know what. I'm not. I pulling out of my funk and if people want to be shitty. Guess what? Fuck 'em. (Oh Imara you are such a bad influence.)

I'm tired of the bullshit. I'm tired of the no appreciation. I'm tired of slaving over and for people who don't give a shit about me or my talent. All done. (almost) 

more paintings are up

Again the pictures are quite bad. The colors in person are much more vibrant.

It's really never ending.

Why does saying sorry have to be a national incident. "I'm sorry for hurting your feelings. It was not my intention."

Is that unreasonable? Am I being too hard on a 15 year old teenager. Her father is turning this into an insane, over dramatized, event. Over analyzing every little detail of every little word I say. We've been emailing all morning. I've never had a problem with this man. I don't get it. I really don't. I am not being unreasonable. Get over it. Your daughter is not the little angel you think she is. "she was an innocent bystander." No and even if she was, step up to the plate and make your fellow team mate feel better. I don't get it.

That's it isn't it? No parent wants to be told their child did something wrong let alone make them apologize. That must be it. 

So frustrating. So frustrating. 2 and 1/2 weeks left.  2 and 1/2 weeks. 

Worst case scenario. Half my company quits and my show is shorter. 

I really hate people this week.

Okay so my dance season is almost over and so is my studio. Apparently this means people don't have to pay their tuition. Maybe I won't notice because I'm closing. Also, the teenager are in a fowl, fowl mood.  All the kids I once so dearly loved are grating on my nerves. 

I have two kids who was so blatantly rude to another dance company member that she left crying. I told them I expect them to give her an apology for their unwarranted meanness if they expect me to continue teaching them a new dance for the show.  I said " We are a team and I expect you to act like one and if you can't be nice to all your teammates, you don't deserve to do an extra dance."

Well I got an angry email from one of the dads. "Well with all the different personalities you have to expect this."

"No. I don't. Intensionally hurting someone's feelings just for the sake of doing it is not acceptable. Apologize or don't do the dance. Simple. I'm not unreasonable."

Well apparently I just should have asked for her right arm. That might have been more acceptable.   or