Gnawing, sinking, crushing self-doubt.

So I had a feeling tonight that I haven't had in quite sometime. That sinking, sick to the stomach feeling followed by crushing self-doubt. I was kind of on a high for about a week with the news of showing my art at City Hall starting in November. Finally feeling like maybe I found my place among artists.  I've been skeptical a bit because I'm still not listed on the Art Association as an artist. I sent my information in, prompted by a fellow artist, but that was two weeks ago. Immediately I think "oh, maybe someone was offended by my site." but then told myself  "No, she's probably just busy." 

Today I got an email about the upcoming art show in June. It listed all the requirements. First of which, submit for pieces and the jury will decide if they are what best represents the association and may be rejected if the "quality" is not up to standard. Blam!!!! Sinking gnawing, crushing, sick to my stomach self doubt. I thought I had gotten past the caring about what people think of my art. I mostly have. It's not everyones cup of tea.  I do care though,  if it keeps me from doing the one art show scheduled so far. I just assumed everyone in the association could do it. 

Now maybe they take everyone and just say that to dissuade any old joe smo. I don't know. I guess I'll find out. I hate doubting myself.  There is nothing I can do if they reject me. I might as well not think about it. (ha) 

Then I go on the website again and three artists are up that weren't there before, but not me. So I sent a nice email asking if there was something wrong with the pic or link  I sent and I was resending it just in case.  I'll give it another week and try not to stress over it. It just seems like this happens to me a lot. Also, I know it's California and everyone moves at a slower pace. I'm still in New England mentality sometimes where everything has to be done NOW! I'm probably stressing over nothing.  I might go paint now though. (I should be sleeping)   or