Weird weird dreams

Been having weird dreams the last two to three nights. All JW and ex-JW related. Mostly conversations. I tend to have very literal dreams. Nothing is usually vague or symbolic. And they are the type of dreams that continue once you've woken up and then fallen back to sleep. I guess it's just my brain working through things. At least I feel like I'm getting sleep and it's not keeping me up. 

Happy Long Weekend. 

Here's to new and present friends

So I talked to a new friend on the phone this morning for the 2nd time. She asked if I was going to blog about her and yep, I am. :)  I think we will be good friends. Here is one reason. She likes to talk on the phone and I don't. So i get to listen. Works for me. She also seems very honest and I like that. She's not afraid to admit if she was wrong and she's not afraid to apologize for past conducts. That is very impressive to me. It takes a big person to do that. Now we just have to work on the self confidence issues. (she thinks she scared me away this morning. I know she does) 

Now on another note, being the bonehead I sometimes am, hurt a present friends feelings and made her feel bad (not on purpose, I would never do that) Hope she can forgive me. Have to work on her self confidence issues too. She's awesome and a very good friend. 

there's a collective denial of reality

Okay so here's another problem of mine. I could never defend myself to a JW. Here's why...Anything I say negative or against something they hold true, I'm labeled. 

The walls go up and they stop listening. (Now there are a few that might indulge me but I doubt it and not for long) The walls go up because they are trained to tune out anything contrary to their beliefs. 

Even if the proof is right in front of them. I know, I used to be the same way. It's very frustrating. "There must be an explanation" or "You must have interpreted that wrong" 

Oh and the guy in my last post-Luis Rodriquez


How to find an apostate: (right from the page)

The best way to spot an apostate is ask them a question from a current kingdom ministry which most if any do not have. Ask them what points them enjoyed from this week's meeting! Many if any are not actively attending our meetings of worship anymore! Do not give them the answer, as this is your weapon against them, and most importantly, do not trust your spiritual livelihood to these people! 

They all defend one another and talk down to you if you question anything they say contrary to the truth! If you are a real witness, please leave ANY site that has admin
s that speak out of harmony with the faithful slave class and their representatives! 

freakin' hilarious

So there is this guy on facebook who has a page called "Watchdog" (snicker) His goal is to expose all apostates (or really who HE deems apostate. This is from his page. 

"A group for truth tellers, we expose those who try to camouflage themselves to look good online when they are really up to NO good!" 

Okay, here's my problem. He's a hypocrite. He does that exact same thing. He camouflages himself as someone else and even as an apostate himself . So it's okay for him to lie and pretend he's an apostate and then "expose " those he thinks are. Am I the only one who sees a problem here?  Sounds like best of both world to me. He gets to live both but claims he's helping. I think he's just glorifying himself. Puffing himself up. Making himself feel like the big dog.  He's posting their private profiles and spending copious amounts of time with the "enemy". 

Oh and he's asking people to turn in other people who they "think" might be apostate. Sound familiar. Didn't that happen in Germany.

Just saying


not sure if I've pissed off some of my fb friends with some of my comments. Maybe sarcasm is a lost art. Or maybe my posts just sound pissy. I really only had one really pissy post the rest have been rather, oh i don't know, tame.  I'm probably just being paranoid. Oh well, can't make everyone happy. 

Girls night out

Had a lot of fun last night. I needed a good laugh and laugh I did.  Thanks Lola. 

loads to write about

but seems it's only equaled 29, 251 words. not quite enough for a book. So I'll keep plugging away. 

Word for this evening

disillusioned |ˌdisəˈloō zh ənd|adjectivedisappointed in someone or something that one discovers to be less good than one had believed the minority groups were completely disillusionedwith the party.disillusion |ˌdisəˈloō zh ən|noundisappointment resulting from the discovery that something is not as good as one believed it to be enthusiasm for the government evaporated into a more cynical disillusion.verb [ trans. ]cause (someone) to realize that a belief or an ideal is false if they think we have a magic formula to solve the problem, don't disillusion them.
Or see Yenney

♫♫♫Blah Blah Blah♫♫♫♫-iggy pop

07 Blah-Blah-Blah

blog dammit!!!(telling jeni to blog)

She stands silent      (since may 8th)

no sweet nectar from her lips      (she hasn't blogged) 

my brain begins to shrink       (needs some food for thought)

her visuals slay me       (I'm very impressed with words) 

I'm having withdrawals     (yeah,  just what that says) 

Food for Thought

Plausible deniability

Plausible deniability refers to the denial of blame in loose and informal chains of command where upper rungs quarantine the blame to the lower rungs, and the lower rungs are often inaccessible, meaning confirming responsibility for the action is nearly impossible. In the case that illegal or otherwise disreputable and unpopular activities become public, high-ranking officials may deny any awareness of such act or any connection to the agents used to carry out such acts.

It's been a great week.

Making some cool connection that I hope will be life long. Seem like nice nice people. I'm also reading some awesome blogs. I hope I can be as eloquent and clear sounding one day. Spent some time outside today. It was a beautiful day. Took a short nap in the sun on the porch. I have a slight headache (I think from lack of coffee) so I poured myself a double white russian. Have a great weekend.

Well, who knew?

Well, I haven't been to the dentist in about 6 years. Why? It's the dentist. Now I had a really good dentist back home but again it's the dentist. So now we are in a small little hick town and all I can think is "Right, i'm gonna what? Go to the dentist? Uh huh, sure. Should be an experience."

An experience it was and a pleasant one at that. What and awesomely knowledgeable and friendly guy. His wife is the dental assistant. I have to go back for a crown on the tooth I had a root canal on 6 years ago and to fix a crumbling filling. No new cavities. We both were in shock.  (the look on his face was priceless)

He recommended I don't wait 6 years till my next visit and I said "not to worry, you seem awesome."

That's my story.

Still have the urge to write

I hope I come up with something or this urge passes. I need to be creative. Not sure why I can't. Maybe I'm feeling like I have to watch what I say. I guess I shouldn't worry about it. This is my blog. I can say whatever the hell I want. Just don't think I'm ready to take the fallout. Maybe I'll take a crack at working on my my space page. I just get frustrated with the set up. Can anyone help? :) 

10:34pm and bored

06 The Chain

I'm not tired enough for bed yet. I have no urge or canvas to paint. I'm in my cycle again where I paint paint paint and then want to write but nothing coming in the writing area. Very frustrating.  I had my choreography binge last week. I haven't had one of those in forever. I'm currently obsessed with the  song "the chain" by Ingrid Michaelson.  (see above) I've choreographed a nice piece for a group of beginner contemporary dancers. I think it will be very nice.  They are doing a nice job. 

I'm thoroughly enjoying making friends and branching out. I was asked to Co-admin a page and I'm having a blast. (Hopefully I won't cause too much trouble) :) 

Wow do I want to write. Something fiction-ee.  I should be reading but I'm not in the mood because I want to write. (did I mention that) <shakes fists> Guess I'll just sit here and listen to this song a few hundred more times. Oooooh, I think I'll make a drink, take some benadryl (for whatever is making me itch) and wait for dreamland. Yep, sounds like a plan. 

Color me crazy


Lazy, cold sunday

It's Freakin' freezing today. 39 degrees and windy. The sun is trying to make it's way out but is sorely losing. Did some painting this morning and haven't had my coffee yet. Probably should have done that in reverse. I'm off to make coffee shortly before I get cranky and find some breakfast. 

2 for you



Late night painting session.

I've been wanting to write but have no words so tonight at 10:30 I got the urge to paint. I painted on the back of two of my other paintings rather than paint over. I am down to one canvas and didn't want to use it yet. Clean up was a bitch tonight and I still have paint that refused to come off my body. 

I am amazed  at how Zen I feel after painting. I wanted to do more but sleep is calling to me soon. 

I had fun painting faces at the renaissance fair. Not bad for a first time and the fact that I had to use a brush. I unwittingly was flashing cleavage as I bent over to paint faces so I soon found a long line of 4th and 5th grade boys waiting to be painted up as pirates. (hysterically funny) I hadn't noticed till I saw one of the boys I was painting, look at his friend and wiggle his eyebrows. So funny.

I was also amazed that little girls turned down sparkly glitter. What little girl doesn't like sparkly glitter? Weird. Had fun though and will do it again if the opportunity arises. 

word progression

lackadaisical        adjectiveI was lackadaisical about my traininglethargicapatheticlistless,sluggishspiritlesspassionlesscarelesslazylaxunenthusiastic,halfheartedlukewarmindifferentunconcernedcasualoffhand,blaséinsouciantrelaxedinformal laid-backeasygoingcouldn't-care-less. ANTONYMS enthusiastic.
    spiritlessadjectivea spiritless performanceapatheticpassiveunenthusiasticlifelesslistless,weakfeeblespinelesslanguidbloodlessinsipidcharacterless,submissivemeekirresoluteindecisivelacklusterflatcolorless,passionlessuninspiredwoodendryanemicvapiddullboring,wishy-washy. ANTONYMS spiritedlively.
   insipidadjectiveinsipid coffeetastelessflavorlessblandweakwishy-washy;unappetizingunpalatable. ANTONYMS tasty.    2 insipid picturesunimaginativeuninspireduninspiring,characterlessflatuninterestinglacklusterdulldrabboringdry,humdrumho-hummonochrometediousuneventfulrun-of-the-millcommonplacepedestriantritetiredhackneyedstalelame,wishy-washycolorlessanemiclifeless. ANTONYMS interesting,imaginative.    

    triteadjectivecritics were put off by the trite dialoguebanalhackneyedclichéd,platitudinousvapidcommonplacestockconventionalstereotyped,overusedoverdoneoverworkedstaleworn outtimeworntired,hoaryhackunimaginativeunoriginaluninterestingdullinformalold hatcornycornballcheesyboilerplate. ANTONYMS original,imaginative.
       hoaryadjectivehoary cobwebsgrayish-whitegraywhitesnowysilversilvery;frostyliterary rimy.a hoary old mangray-hairedwhite-hairedsilver-hairedgrizzled;elderlyagedoldancientvenerable; informal over the hill.ANTONYMS young.
     venerableadjectivethe venerable Martin Steed joined our faculty in 1962respectedvenerated,reveredhonoredesteemedhallowedaugustdistinguished,eminentgreatgrand.        hallowedadjectivetrespassing on hallowed groundholysacredconsecratedsanctified,blessedreveredveneratedhonoredsacrosanctworshipeddivine,inviolable.
blessedadjectivea blessed placeholysacredhallowedconsecratedsanctified;ordainedcanonizedbeatified. ANTONYMS cursed.blessed are the meekfavoredfortunateluckyprivilegedenviable,happy. ANTONYMS wretched.
Is it possible to feel both lackadaisical and happy at the same time?I say yes.

♫♫♫♫I love to paint.....♫♫♫♫

Painted while humming the snappy little tune. :) It's titled



The detail is hard to see here. Close up page is much better. You go there now. 

Here's a random shot of Yenney's feet amidst all the smattering of art.


Snappy little tune...

24 three blind mice

...That I apparently can't get out of my head.

Oh my fucking God. What a great show.

Okay so it started 20 minutes late. I was getting antsy. But then the band came out and of all people, La Bamba sang the opening upbeat number. Totally out of character and what a voice. Then the trumpet player broke out into a song (sorry bud, i don't know your name) Wow amazing talent. 
Conan was hilarious and right on the money. They had a few video gags on the big screen. It was a definite fan favorite reunion. Andy and the whole band. Masturbating bear and Triumph the insult comic dog. 
The Coquettes were back up singing and Dion cole did a round of jokes. There wasn't really a surprise guest as promised but the show was great regardless. 
Andy broke out a camera and was filming the audience as Groupies. I was on the BIG screen. Woohoo. So much fun. 
B made La Bamba forget his line when he was standing in the isle next to us. B shouted "We love you La Bamba" So funny. He got a deer in the headlights look and then regained composure. 
All in all a fun fantastic night including the free drinks for ladies before the show. 

2nd of two

I guess I was into bright happy colors this time. Usually that's Yenney's job. This si untitled as well. For now anyway.


Prolific blogger this week...

Here's one new painting. well I painted over an old one and the a brand new one tomorrow when it dries. Having trouble getting it to translate to film because of the reds. the details are getting washed out. I'll do my best. 


Just some thoughts for today

porcelain dreams
shattered like glass
shards buried deep
work their way out

wounds healing slowly
but healing indeed
will once again be whole
and once again dream

anger receding
a new path ahead
happy to see now 
happy I fled

free from the burden
of everyday gloom
free from the hate
the pressure and doom

more tolerant
more loving
more kind
full of understanding 
compassion and life

I crave for more knowledge
my brain re-awakes
there is so much to learn
and experience and see

and someday will decide whether to rhyme or not.
Just some thoughts for the day.

Word of the day.   New Oxford American Dictionary
sheep | sh ēp|
noun ( pl. same)a domesticated ruminant mammal with a thick woolly coat and (typically only in the male) curving horns. It is kept in flocks for its wool or meat, and is proverbial for its tendency to follow others in the flock. 
sheep 1
• Ovis aries, family Bovidae,descended from the wild mouflon.• a wild mammal related to this, such asthe argali, bighorn, and urial.a person who is too easily influenced or ledthe party members had become sheep, and she refused to be taken in.a person regarded as a protected follower of God. [ORIGIN: with biblical allusion to Luke 15:6.]• informal a member of a minister's congregation.

New Eyeballs up.

check 'em out.


Painting supplies.   or